LAUGH AT MY PAIN

I just started talking about my father’s recent death on a stage. Much of my comedy was about his impending death so “revealing” that he is gone changes the tone of many of my jokes and the verb tense. Sometimes he stays alive in my joke while other times I reveal his death or just leave it a gray area. For many, especially comedians, comedy is a way to process pain. We try to find ways to talk about our pain while bringing joy and hopefully not causing any pain to others at the same time. It’s a hard balance because death is a trigger to so many people and it’s not something people want to hear about at a comedy show. Perhaps it’s even a reason why they are at a comedy show to take their mind off a recent passing.

This past week, I made a joke about my father’s death and someone in the crowd gasped “Oh My God”. I said in response, “this is what comedians do. We talk about our pain.” But clearly it was a trigger and a lesson in how to handle it in the future. I once did a show when a comedian had to go on stage after his father’s death and started tearing up when he talked about him in a joke, which clearly was written while he was alive. The audience gave him a standing ovation.
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Stand Up Comedy is a healing mechanism and comedians should never try to be doing jokes to intentionally hurt someone or offend someone. At least thats never my goal with comedy. Shock value or “edge-lord” comedy is popular right now and that’s fine but I always find honesty is comedy is always funnier because it’s authentic.
It feels weird doing stand up right now for me. New jokes feel wonky, especially when I try to brush over the recent events in my life. But if I didn’t have it, I don’t know what I would possibly do to move on. The show must go on.